Ever since we were children, we were told that ‘It’s not what you say, but how you say it.’ and for heaven’s sake it’s true. Personally wish I would’ve

understood both the simple meaning and deeper understanding of this phrase earlier on, but I guess that’s how life is meant to go for a guy like me. In this adabldoya.com entry, I want to share some examples and ideas on what makes this commonly used phrase so true.

Words are powerful. As kids and young adults we throw them around and use them freely as we navigate thru life making ‘a name’ for ourselves. As we grow into adults and continue to experience life, we tend to recognize things outside of our own point of views, allowing us to notice how words are used towards us, and eventually learning how to speak with more maturity and sophistication. For adults in career-mode and corporate worlds, what they say and how they say it can be a huge deal maker or breaker. As individuals communicating with other individuals, know that none of us are born with a refined skill to speak with such intention and care, and that it takes life sessions, self awareness and an open mind to get better at it. 

People who have children, you know what I’m talking about. Not only have we created little versions of ourselves and can see things on the horizon before they reach land, as parents we must be careful with the words we use at and around our kids. Also knowing there is no rulebook for parenting, we must remember those little versions of ourselves have two beautiful ears and empty minds that allow them to absorb almost everything they hear and see. Understand they are also little repeating parrots, and will say what the parents say and deliver words in the same way the parents do. What you say and how you say it to a child is a big deal not only between child and parent, but also between child and everyone else in the world. With kids, you gotta measure a few times before speaking because it’s good for the world. 

My favorite is when we get to become elderly. At this point in life, we’ve seen, heard, been, done, and lived it all. Indeed some of the most calculated and thoughtful people to exchange words with. Elderly don’t mix words or abuse the language, they tell it like it is. Straight to the point, and if you’re lucky, they’ll make your brain work with their responses. Why? Because they have a clear understanding on the phrase ‘Its not what you say, but how you say it.’ and non-elderly folks can learn a lot from them. 

No matter if words are used as playful nicknames, motivational pep-talks, or to express powerful emotions good or bad, what we say and how we say it is the key to making sure our messages are received and absorbed as planned. Being in my forties, I know there is still plenty for me to learn interpersonally about how to use words more effectively, and I continue to pay attention. As a marketing professional, this phrase speaks volumes, and is the difference between success and failure….but the same is true as a father, husband, friend and family member.

So remember, in life, it’s not what you say, but how you say it that matters. And if you have something important to say, avoid being lazy in your approach and think about the words you want to use, and your intent for using the words in the first place.